I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize