Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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