haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize