her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
