I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
