I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
