you guys were way drunker than both of me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
