My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
