the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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