you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
