Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(574): View more from Indiana

I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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(513): View more from Ohio

So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight

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(706): View more from Georgia

I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.

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(480): View more from Arizona

i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs

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(253): View more from Washington

she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

(206): View more from Washington

so that's what that room is for...

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(585): View more from New York

Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.

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(941): View more from Florida

Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.

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