Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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