Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
