upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
