Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize