I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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