I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
