drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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