First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
