im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
