I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
