Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
