Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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