Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
