I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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