she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she peed on how many people?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
