Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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