the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how drunk are you?
Several
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
