I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
