No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.