Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
