Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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