pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
