I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
