Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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