Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
