You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
