Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
