My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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