I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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