my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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