i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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