what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
