My nipple is on Facebook.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
