Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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