I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
