saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
