Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
