I smell stomach acid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
