Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
