Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
