remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
