mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
