this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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