VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
