Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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