You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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