He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
