i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
