her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
