Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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