Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
