Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
