I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
