my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
