You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
