Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
