At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
