Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
