i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
