He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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