DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
