If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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