Tell her she can't have a vagina
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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