This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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