hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
