I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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