i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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