I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
