He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
