My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
