You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
