so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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