I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ruined the universe
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize