i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
