Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
