i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
