I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
