My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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