Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
